On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
