Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
