I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
