I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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