Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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