I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
