I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i've created a new STD.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
