They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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