Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
