Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
