listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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