don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
