your thong is hanging out like whoa
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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