I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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