My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
