I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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