and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
