This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
