dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
