i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
