your room smells of hookers.
And success
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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