got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
