So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
