he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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