cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
