i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
