Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
