I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
