I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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