chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
