Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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