mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
