what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
