U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
