i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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