I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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