My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I believe in your delicious
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
