My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
