11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
