Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
