I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
