Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
