im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They took my balls.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
