what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
