Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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