Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My vagina just recognized that song.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
