I didn't shave. On purpose
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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