i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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