So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
