My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
