He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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