The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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