I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
